Month: October 2021

Return to the World

Well, this morning my 7-day course of ciprofloxacin ended without one single hurling episode (thank you, Zofran), and I am happy this experience is now behind me. I will be spending the next however-long-it-takes recolonizing the mausoleum of my digestive system with friendly bacteria: antibiotics are amazing triumphs of science to be used in extreme moderation, and I have not used a broad-spectrum antibiotic since I was in college. Yesterday, feeling a bit nauseous, I decided to chance the gym (I chose the machine with a garbage can within barfing distance); I ate solid food for the first time in 10 days and even had a few cocktails. Today I survived my full hour on the stair mill. It feels good to be healthy again, friends. That was a close one. 

Given I no longer feel as though my days are numbered, I am ecstatic that I am wrapping my life up and transporting myself and my dog (I hope) to Denver in a few short months. It’s only Tuesday and it’s already been a hellacious week; I’ve already been added to my new team’s channels, boards, calendars and meetings, and I still have a few days left with my former team, which is not really how this was supposed to go, but it is what it is, and I appreciate their eagerness to have me on board. 

The next two weeks are filled with travel, and when I get back I expect to start figuring out my timeline for getting my stuff moved out of here. I am grateful for the months I have to find a place to live, though I will probably have to head to Denver for a few days after Thanksgiving regardless. I am anxious about this piece, but I am sure it will work out. 01My dog’s bully breed is a major struggle, as it always has been, which is tragic and ridiculous, and it will cost me thousands of dollars on top of my own costs to situate her. I’m torn, to be honest, on taking her with me, as she has a family she knows well that would happily adopt her here, and she’d have far more frequent company with a family than she’ll have with me working from the office half the week. It is extremely taboo to say things like this, I realized months ago, as people anthropomorphize their pets and think they’re crying themselves to sleep at night when they’re apart, which is not typically the case, and certainly not the case for mine. That said, I’ve had this dog for 6 of her 8 years of life, and she’s bonded to me, so she will probably be coming with me at my expense anyway. I can’t imagine parting with an animal that was my sole companion through the pandemic, and if you can be proud of a dog for what it has become character-wise in the time you’ve owned it, I am proud of her. This dog would not even let people near her when I took her in; she loves everyone now, and everyone loves her.

Regardless of how that transpires, I am fairly sure Fuji will be my last pit bull; my years of trying to do the right thing and taking in behaviorally fucked-up adult shelter dogs to turn their attitudes around and make them normal are probably over and I am tired of the price I’ve had to pay over the years for reforming the lives of these animals. A few months ago I came across a breed that will probably end up being perfect for me in the long run, and asked my sister to find me a breeder in the next 3-5 years so I can get on a wait list: the dogs look like huge muppets but are extremely protective and powerful, and excellent for security training.

Alas, we’ll see how it goes. There’s a lot to do.

Rewinding a bit, my vacation was fantastic. I spent a week in Myrtle Beach with my parents, and a week in Mexico at an all-inclusive resort. dadMy family has been traveling to Myrtle Beach since I was born, though I have only very vague memories of the place. A bunch of years ago my parents purchased a condo in the building we always used to stay in, which was a huge deal for them, and it has pretty much become their Shangri-La. I was skeptical at first, as MB is known as the “Redneck Riviera,” but the area has changed unbelievably since we were kids, and is now one of the fastest growing metro areas in the country. My parents’ building is well operated and maintained, and the ocean is so loud you can hear it inside, which I love.

My relationship with my parents has improved markedly over time, due to various factors, and I actually enjoy spending time with them, which was almost never the case until 2-3 years ago. I also just love their condo, I was over the moon at the prospect of swimming in the ocean every day, and I had an amazing time. (Yes, I blurred out my dad’s nipples. Ya welcome.)

My experience at my first all-inclusive resort in Mexico was also surprisingly good. mexicoSome things could have been better, especially the food, but given their typical audience I think the quality was acceptable, and they had a buffet, which was great. Despite not even being a pool person, the first three days there, we barely made it past the quiet, lazy river-ish pool outside our building. The beach was beautiful; the ocean was warm and amazing and there were huge fish swimming with us. I could’ve stayed for longer… a lot longer. cochinitaI had intended to spend a day or two off-property, so one day we went to Rio Secreto, which was mind-blowingly cool. The second day we went out to Chichen Itza, we swam in a beautiful cenote, which we inexplicably had entirely to ourselves. Dug up some cochinita pibil on the long drive back. I would go back to this resort in a hot second, though the 60% sale I booked with would have to be available… there is no way I’d pay full price for what we got. We got a killer deal at $370 or so a night… I wouldn’t pay $500. All in all total kick ass experience, no regrets. 

Quick rundown of what I’ve read this month, no summaries, just links to Amazon. Most of this stuff was good, nothing was great except for Cultish, which I really enjoyed. Woke, Inc. is worth a read, too. Age of Addiction was not really what I expected, but there was a lot of interesting history, which made it unique.

Dress Codes: How the Laws of Fashion Made History | The Age of Addiction: How Bad Habits Became Big Business | Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism | Saving Normal: An Insider’s Revolt against Out-of-Control Psychiatric Diagnosis, DSM-5, Big Pharma, and the Medicalization of Ordinary Life | Woke, Inc.: Inside America’s Corporate Social Justice Scam

I also watched the HBO remake of Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes From A Marriage, which I decided I didn’t hate as much as I thought initially. I do hate some of the modernizing efforts, particularly the open marriage that is their friends’ relationship in the beginning, but I am skeptical of this trend in society, which isn’t really a sufficient reason to disparage its presence in the remake. I also don’t love that they switched the genders in the original plot, but I could’ve gone either way I suppose. It’s as complex and emotional as the original, though I find the original to be timeless and not in any need of modernizing whatsoever. I still prefer the original, which is one of my favorite films of all time, but I think the remake was a good effort.

That’s all for now, but I imagine I’ll be writing again soon as things continue to develop.

Highs & Lows

I knew before it was October that this would be an eventful month, but I failed to fully plan for the extent to which October 2021 will be etched into my memory for some time. I’m going to skip my travel recap for the time being, and maybe post again next week before I depart for San Diego & Vegas, because this past week has truly been an experience in extremes.

I didn’t feel so hot last Saturday. I’ve always had a bit of a finnicky stomach; it’s better now than it has been in years past, and is typically happier with less food, and fewer meals. I chalked it up to whatever, adjusting back to AK, stress, who knows what. I rallied, and on Saturday night we had a big dinner with another friend. Honestly, after a few glasses of wine, I was feelin’ aight.

I spent Sunday in bed. I managed to have some dinner. I sweat and shook through the night. I spent Monday in bed, getting up only for my final interview. Later on Monday, I was offered a promotion to a position in Denver, finally. I accepted, and went back to bed.

Later on Monday, I told my roommate he might need to take me to the ER in the morning. Lying in bed, again sweating through all of my clothes and sheets, I decided going to the ER was not an option; all of our hospitals are on rationed care, and I couldn’t wait a whole day for help and risk getting COVID on top of whatever else was wrong with me. I’m one of those people who isn’t going to go to the hospital until I’m about to die, so this was pretty bad. I was fading in and out of consciousness. I was sleeping with my heart beating at 120bpm. Not good. I was in horrible, mind bending pain I had never experienced before.

At 8am I called the clinic down the street where I go for primary care and begged them to let me come in immediately. They said yes. I was there for four hours, and they were amazing… they ran all kinds of tests and CT’d my abdomen. Went home, went back to bed. Doctor called a few hours later and told me I saved my own ass bringing myself in for help: I had a severe salmonella infection, and concurrent overgrown e.coli (everyone has e. coli, but some strains are bad, and a malfunctioning biome can cause a harmless strain to overgrow and become harmful, apparently). Seeing as I don’t eat out of dumpsters, or dine on shit sandwiches, I’m kind of stumped as to how this happened. People I’ve shared this with tend to blame Mexico, but I’ve been to Mexico a bazillion times and I’ve never gotten sick, so I doubt it. You know what? I really don’t even care. The level of pain I have been in destroyed any curiosity I might’ve had over where I acquired this. I’ve never been this acutely ill in my life, and I’ve been pretty fucking sick a few times. I leveled up this time around.

My pharmacy’s incompetence caused me to wait a further 6 hours for the antibiotics, antiemetics and other unpleasant medications I needed to turn this ship around. For me, there are two parts to this nightmare, because antibiotics make me hurl, so it’s been a tenuous few days trying to keep them in my stomach and balance that with the rest of the symptoms. I am slowly starting to feel better, and I am surprised by how long any improvement has taken: given that I began a high dose of Cipro on Tuesday evening and it’s Friday, I figured I’d have bounced back by now… I figured wrong. I am still in a lot of pain, I can’t walk fast, and I can’t eat much beyond plain soup and cereal. I think it will take some time (weeks, at least) to fully heal from this.

I’m eternally grateful that for the first time in what feels like forever, timing worked in my favor: my roommate was home this week. I’m not sure what I would have done without him, considering that I spent days unable to even walk down the stairs. He has been wonderful (and is always wonderful).

Now, at the end of the week, and rejoining the work world (I took the entire week off, which makes me sad for my team, which will be informed of my impending departure on Monday morning), I am starting to wrap my head around the many, many moving parts that will comprise my move out of Alaska and into Denver. Thankfully, I have three months, and I don’t plan to show up until January.

The extent to which I will be forcing myself to adjust is difficult to comprehend, but I’ve had all year to consider these things. It came up in my final interview: that I needed to be sure I wanted to give up the level of freedom I have in my life now, and the level of control I have over my own life, to work in an office part-time, manage a team (of mostly brand new people), to live in a city again. It will be interesting for sure. My new boss is convinced I will think Denver is a crowded shit-hole and regret leaving Alaska, which is entirely possible. I told him I’ll figure it out. I’m holding onto my house up here and it’s a direct flight away… I’m not worried. Time for a change.

More on all of this in the weeks to come. Despite this unfortunate salmonella episode, I am so fucking stoked I managed to make this happen for myself, and to secure myself an all expenses paid ticket out of here and a promotion with a hefty raise. Fuck yes.