to Tashkent

We travel not for trafficking alone:
By hotter winds our fiery hearts are fanned:
For lust of knowing what should not be known,
We make the Golden Journey to Samarkand.

— James Elroy Flecker, 1884-1915

The last two weeks have felt like an anxious countdown to departure, and yesterday I managed to tie up most loose ends and get started packing. After years of getting f’ed by Turkish Airlines, I can confidently say I will probably not make it to my destination on the flights I actually booked: BUT, I will be more prepared, with a change of clothes in my carry-on, a yak wool blanket, deodorant and toothpaste. At this point I’d bet money on being stuck in Istanbul for 12 hours minimum, and if I manage to make my connecting flight, I’m sure my luggage will not: a 3h layover has been gradually whittled down to 55 min, thanks to their constant schedule changes. I have 2.5 days of buffer in Tashkent to sort out whatever frustrations unfold en route.

I have had a lot going on, and I mean a lot.  I have been dutifully frequenting both gyms, and will have 7 sessions behind me with my trainer before I leave (I have one more 7am on Tuesday). I am 1/3 of the way through this UX specialization program in one month, which puts me on pace to finish a 9-month program in 3 (technically 2.5, but I am not taking my computer with me on this trip so there is a two-week delay). My company has reinforced their hybrid policy, which doesn’t change a ton for me/my team other than I see my boss more and we go in two extra days a month. babiesI have been showing up to lift at 7am, coming home to shower and get ready and bomb out of my house in 25 minutes to get to the office. On days I don’t do that, I do UX coursework.

We have said farewell to our two promotees, and I’ve backfilled one of my open roles. The team has business review presentations Monday/Tuesday, and the first iterations were not great, so that has taken a lot of my time. Last week was also our compensation review period, and I received a significant increase compared to what is the standard for us, as well as a chunk of equity, which is uncommon in non-tech roles. I suspected they may hit me with some kind of compensation increase with a retention aspect; I have been hopping from one retention bonus to another for awhile, and the last one fell off in November. On the plus side, my current plan is to simply transition within the company, so I ain’t mad about it.

I think I can safely say I’ve made up for lost time in the beginning of 2023.  This UX certificate and lifting weights are simultaneous challenges for me: the foundations of UX are unlike anything I’ve learned before, so it has required my time and energy to actually listen and think through the information. There is a lot of project work. Typically what I learn is in some way, shape or form related to something else I know, but only now that I am in the compiling user data phase does it smack of market research; the initial course was brand new.  My rough timeline is that this is complete by June, and I request that the UX research directors begin building out my 6-month role for the fall (it takes a few months to get the paperwork done and approved). I have a few month margin of error, so I am hoping that by the time my lease is up next summer, I am either in or transitioning to a different role in a different line of business, and perhaps moving again as well. I don’t hate Denver, but I suspect I will have to relocate, and will do so neutrally.

I love my new gym despite the exorbitant cost; I am sore every day and I work hard. My body is learning, I am able to connect to different muscles especially in my shoulders and back that I was unable to prior. I am hoping one of the long-term outcomes is that I manage to pull my knock-knees out a bit. My personal goals were to burn subcutaneous fat (the hyperthyroidism ate some of my muscle mass this time around, and I’ve felt flabbier than usual); to boost my metabolism; to continue to take steps to fortify my immune system against autoimmunity. My trainer has a degree in biochem, and is the perfect person to help me accomplish this. I love every moment of this experience. I see this as a long-term investment in my health, and I have 1 year and 3 months to hit the “best shape of my life” before I turn 40. I’m on my way.

Before I began going to Vital, I came across Joe Rogan’s podcast with David Goggins from last winter (I have been slow on my podcast game as I have been reading a lot). I respect the shit out of Goggins, I had read his first book last summer and am working on his new one; he is a bit too much in that he does not believe in rest or vacation and wants to be cranked up to 11 100% of the time, which to me is not sustainable and aggravates my immune system. The podcast is hilarious, and amazing: there is a part of it where he explains that being happy is easy – everyone knows how to do that – he, on the other hand, studies the dark, and that really stopped me dead in my tracks. That was one of the most relatable things I had heard in a long time, and I’ve really been reflecting on the fact that from a period of time a few years after graduating college, and especially throughout my time in Alaska, I have been systematically extracting all of the dark, shitty things inside me to contend with them. kcIt’s often been a hard road, but it’s given me bottomless mettle and self-confidence in my ability to weather any storm. I’ve also thought a lot about how the people I encounter at this gym are the kinds of people I want in my life: people who push themselves constantly, and challenge themselves to be better, who are willing to face the music. People who are never finished becoming the best version(s) of themselves. How can I use this to further improve my quality of life, and that of others? A girl on my team recently told me that me being open about everything I’m doing has inspired her to rejoin Crossfit, as she couldn’t get started. That off-hand comment really meant a lot to me, that is the kind of shit I want more of in my life. I think it took me a long time to get into a good clip here in Denver, but I am definitely there now after a gradual upswing.

Matt also came down from Anchorage for a few days after returning from Djibouti, so we hit two excellent restaurants in town, and it was so, so nice to have him here. I’m not sure I will end up making a ton of mattclose friends here in Colorado, and that’s fine with me, but I am really pleased that I’ve had so much time with my out of state friends. I am really looking forward to getting back to AK for a few days as well: I expect to propose to Di we go on at least two soul-crushing hikes, spuntinoone being Bird Ridge, which I absolutely hate, because there are hours of false peaks along the way. I may also opt to re-do the Alyeska Flake, though it’s unlikely we’ll be able to get up that high with so much spring snow; we’ll see what we can do. The last time I did that hike, I did it in a fasted state and my quads gave out on the way down which was a total pain in the ass and delayed us significantly. The prospect of having a few days with two of my favorite people back in AK is really exciting. Toward the end of June, another friend is coming down from Juneau to hit the Emperor show with me in Dallas and hang for a few days. Feeling pretty grateful.

After a month of Seed probiotics, I also have experienced some interesting effects (good, bad and weird).  The first few weeks, I had completely bizarre, vivid dreams, which is a known side effect of your gut flora changing. I wasn’t sure what to expect with this: it is another costly endeavor, and I was on the fence as I have a pretty healthy microbiome and have always consumed probiotic supplements and foods. I think my favorite outcome is that my teeth are whiter, or stay whiter: I have been whitening my teeth weekly for a few years now, due to a diet heavy in black coffee, black tea and red wine: I have whitened my teeth once since I began taking this supplement, and that was simply to see if I could get them even whiter. Apparently Seed has contains a probiotic strain that kills the bacteria that creates dental plaque, and that is pretty freakin’ cool. I also have completely lost my sweet tooth for the first time in my life… I am not a cake or donut person, but I do like sour candy and tart things, though I don’t partake often. I have no interest whatsoever these days.

LoomingTower

I think that’s about it for me – I have knocked out a number of books this month as well, though a few are in progress. I got through The Looming Tower, which was an unbelievably well-researched book about the lead-up to 9/11 and the pissing contest between the FBI and CIA around Osama bin Laden, as well as the life of John O’Neill, who warned the US for years and years only to die in the WTC.  Hulu created a miniseries based on the book which was also very good, so I got through that. murder_in_samarkand

I am also finishing Murder in Samarkand, which is another great read, although it was difficult for me to find a copy. The book was written by a British ambassador and contains quite a bit of presumably confidential or semi-confidential information, so it seems to have been scrubbed from a lot of locations. Murray is highly critical of US and UK foreign policy toward Uzbekistan and the overlooking of gruesome human rights violations in return for UZ providing a jumping-off point to assist in the War on Terror. After reading a few more recent books about Uzbekistan, I am curious about how or why this country is the only one this travel company serves; I am not convinced it has lost its penchant for oppression and torture in the years between this book and present.

I will have to return all of my library books before I leave and will have to check a few of them out again in May; I am only home for 6 days in April between UZ and Atlanta, so it’s not going to happen. I am currently working on Tim Snyder’s The Road to Unfreedom, and Goggins’ Never Finished. I will do my best during this trip to not think about the fact that during my 6 days home, I will have to complete my own quarterly self-review, then conduct 7 of them for my direct reports, have two lifting days minimum, get organized and then head off to Atlanta to see Juan for what will likely be the last time before he moves back to Stanford. Life is hectic, but life is good.

February

I spent the entire month of February hoping, believing, that feeling totally normal was right around the corner. I’m not sure why I believed that this transition would be more like the flip of a switch than a gradual change, hike2but it proved to be ridiculous: only in the last week or so do I feel I have returned mostly to myself: biologically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally, philosophically… existentially.  2023 has been really fucking annoying so far.

The set of symptoms I’ve experienced this round has been different than past episodes. For the first time, hyperthyroidism gave me pretty constant anxiety, combined with nightly panic attacks, along the lines of “am I dying? I might be dying”… every.  Night. I am pretty well equipped for this: I have long desensitized myself to the symptoms of panic attacks, as I used to have them regularly in college.  What I was unprepared for is that after the hyperthyroidism had passed and my blood work returned to normal (I also passed out at LabCorp during my blood draw, which is common, but was definitely a first for me – I have no fear of needles whatsoever) I rebounded into a kind of bizarre depressive state, which was a horrible pairing for bloating, water retention and general sluggishness. I am a lot of things, depressed hasn’t ever tended to be one of them, so that really fucked me up for a few weeks. It also put a giant dent in my self-esteem, because I felt like I was exploding out of my clothes 24/7, for no apparent reason, and my scale weight was up by 7-10lbs. I am still heavier than I should be, but it is trending in the right direction, and I imagine it is just unfortunate water retention. I may or may not still have some subclinical hypothyroidism, but I will just wait it out and see if it resolves itself over the next few weeks.

I had, in mid-February, resumed fasting at 20:4 and returned to much lower carb intake and higher fat (after my trip to Chicago, where I ate EVERYTHING, as my peer there is also a foodie).chicago I also resumed my very high intensity gym routine, so that’s been great: I’ve clocked over 600 active minutes a week for the past month or so, and that is bad ass. I decided to step up my bio-hacking and have folded more adaptogens and two different probiotics into my diet: one is Seed, which is outrageously expensive, but is well researched and reviewed, so we’ll see what happens. I suspect my microbiome is quite healthy already, but I’d like to further optimize; we will continue to learn as time goes on that having shitty gut flora can cause everything from IBS to depression to anger to cystic acne.

I have invested a lot more time over the years into self-care and health/well-being, which has been a consequence of aging. It simply takes more effort and research. I decided many years ago to not wear makeup (at all), and that puts additional pressure on me to keep my skin in good shape (my skin actually looks amazing presently, and I am not particularly self-complimentary). hike3I would not have seen myself, ten years ago, as someone who occasionally splurges on Korean beauty products, or puts carrot oil under my eyes, or uses a facial exfoliator in the shower, or puts a frozen eye mask on at 6am before my alarm goes off 18min later, but apparently I am one of those people now.

I had planned to start lifting last year and had a very protracted adjustment to Denver, so when asking myself what I want to do with my rediscovered health, I found a highly regarded strength gym 1.1 mi away from me, and will be heading in for an assessment at the end of the week. It’s time. I want to continue to do more for myself physically for every year I age; and at 40 I’d like to be in peak physical shape, so this gives me sufficient time.

Outside of fitness, I’ve forced myself to get out and socialize more; I do have a group of friends here that I have not seen much over the months. A girlfriend from work and I did a happy hour this week, then I went to see Rotting Christ, then hit another happy hour the next day with a really awesome woman who was my Lyft driver in October (yes, I got her number and we agreed to have a friend date. It was amazing). I am going to keep this up; while I am happy to stay home most of the time, it’s probably better for me to go spend time with people. I realized during the pandemic that antisocial behavior robs people of the ability to polish their ideas and sharpen their opinions; I do Zoom regularly with my friends, but I definitely need to keep up the face time.

Resuming a high fat intake (and feeling better overall) has also pushed my brain back into overdrive, and below are the books I’ve knocked out in the past month: not bad. Holy shit, sometimes you don’t know how bad you feel until you feel better.

I’ve read a few too many books to really delve into each of them: War on the West, The Identity Myth and On Decline were all excellent: Identity Myth was well researched and complex; War on the West was a slightly more vague version of such; On Decline was written by the guy who did The Authenticity Hoax. I think I’d skip On Decline in the future, start with War on the West, and if you like that one, continue with The Identity Myth, which has a ton of intriguing content and a lot of source material.

I also stumbled upon Metabolical, by one of my fave doctor-writers, Robert Lustig, so I read that, and The Hacking of the American Mind. Lustig gave a lecture I loved called Sugar: The Bitter Truth (the link is probably different from the one I originally came across, but the content is likely the same) and I’ve read his other books. Metabolical was great, very much in line with his other work – he is a crusader against processed food, and rightfully so; he is (was: he has since retired) a pediatric endocrinologist and a lot of his work is based on the horror he experienced tending to 200lb 10 year-olds – can you blame him? The second book, The Hacking of the American Mind, was kind of all over the place: neurobiology, psychology, metabolism, vices and virtues, essentially his top rules for living a good life, which I actually found to be the most memorable part of the book.

As for the other books… Sovietistan was a bit outdated, but entertaining, and I will knock out another slightly outdated Uzbekistan book before I depart, Murder in Samarkand. Secondhand Time was unbelievably good: that book will remain in my permanent collection. Probably one of the best contemporary books I’ve read about Russia in years. The final three are by Bosnian writers: the dual My Parents/This Does Not Belong To You was one I hadn’t read by Aleksandar Hemon, and The World and All That It Holds was really exceptional (it is new, and was reviewed in The Economist). I was skeptical about this book: two gay soldiers – one Sephardic Jew and one Muslim – drafted into the military as WWI begins and drift from their home in Sarajevo to Shanghai, through Tashkent and Samarkand. It ended up being as good as it was sad: and it was very both. There is a lot of history packed into that book as they move east, and east, and east, and clash with so many different cultures. It was really an exemplary read.

As for what’s coming up beyond Uzbekistan, there are some good shows in the works, particularly Emperor’s US tour (they seem to have been released from exclusivity with Psycho canceling). emperorI booked all of my stuff for Dallas and am meeting some friends down there (and perhaps bringing one of the metalheads from here with me). I considered hitting up the Chicago show for my birthday as well (they are playing Jun 23) but I think I will do something else.

Botch is also doing a reunion tour and are, shockingly, playing in Denver in the fall – there are multiple amazing shows here in the fall, including Igorrr (finally rescheduled) and Ne Obliviscaris, so it’ll be a good time of year. I am still TBD on Brutal Assault and it’s not looking promising for me given the slim pickings for hotel rooms (they did not announce this year as they usually do, so we missed the boat). I am actually feeling pretty OK about staying put this summer and maybe taking an additional trip to Myrtle Beach.  I am eternally grateful that Di, my long-time hiking partner, changed her plans to drop in on me in AK when I’m up there, so that will be a very active trip and we will bang out some good, wet, muddy hikes for the days I’m there. That was a really amazing surprise.

Speaking of hardcore music, I was listening to Jocko on Huberman Lab and he was asked what was an early contributor to who he became as a person and his sense of resilience, and he attributed it to hardcore music… I was pretty shocked and amused. I have resumed listening to more podcasts lately as well.

Last, I enrolled in a course on UX, and finished the first module. It will take me a few months, but I believe I will successfully be able to switch careers in the next year or two, and I am really enjoying what I am learning. One of the researchers I spoke to commended me for my bravery at hurling myself into the unknown, but that is pretty much just my thing. Everyone across those teams has been so helpful – I’ve received a ton of source material, courses, book recommendations, have been CC’d on emails and invited to labs and studies, it’s been really awesome. I am not 100% sure if their remote situation will continue, but if not, and if I cannot stay in Denver, I will most likely move to Texas. We shall see. I also happened upon a lifetime membership to Babbel, so I am going to use that to brush up on my Swedish, which is still pretty good considering I never use it, and probably start with Russian (why not?). It’s awesome to have all of my synapses firing again.

That’s about it, I think. I may or may not post before I leave at the end of the month; we’ll see. If not, I’ll have a lot to yap about it when I get back.

All Abroad

It’s hard to believe that this time next week, I will (hopefully) be sweating my ass off in Tbilisi. I say hopefully because I have a one hour connection in Istanbul, and I can only hope the gates are not too far from one another. After my Turkish Airlines melodrama, fujiI decided I’m too old and impatient to spend 28h getting from Prague to JFK, so I coughed up another $1100 for a direct flight back to NY to catch my unlinked flight to Denver. I am never flying with Turkish Airlines again; while I still got a decent flight there, they’ve managed to pilfer enough money and time from me that I will avoid them in the future.

I’m hoping everything goes according to plan and Fuji doesn’t burn the house down or find a way to chew through the wall. I’ve waited for 3 years to get back there: we left a few things undone and I hired a private guide to take us to Abkhazia, the Black Sea and Armenia. I wish we had decided to spend more than ten days there, but it’ll be nice to get back to Prague as well, which is typically an annual pilgrimage. Quite a few bands we wanted to see have fallen off Brutal Assault thanks to a variety of logistical issues in Europe, but we decided this year that if we’re over it, we’ll split and go somewhere else. Maybe I can show Juan around Odessa before it’s leveled by missiles… that’s probably a hard nope for him.

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Unfortunately it’s been tough over the past two weeks to feel like I’ll be able to unplug: two of the three other managers in my peer group have given their notice and are leaving immediately, and now it’s me and one other manager over roughly 40 people, with many new people starting. Still worse, the other remaining manager told me weeks ago she’s planning on turning in her notice sooner than later, so I’m hoping she can hold out for a few weeks while I break out of here for a bit. Two of the three are transferring internally, which is cool: my company isn’t a total dumpster fire, but my org wears people out fast.

I’ve now inherited the co-located Dallas/Austin team, which is not the worst thing ever, and I happily accepted the challenge, although the timing is awful. I will return from Prague and then go to Chicago, return to Denver for my own team’s presentations, then to Dallas and Austin a week later, then return to Austin the following week for that team’s business reviews. I will probably have these two teams for the remainder of the year, and if the other (Atlanta team) manager quits, that will be interesting. The timing is bizarre considering I had recently shared with my boss that I need a bit more chaos, so I can’t complain about that.

The one saving grace here is that my own team is impressively productive at this point, and I can throw a lot at them and know they’ll manage. I told my boss today that when the opportunity arises, I will move onto a different line of business, but I think this will keep me busy for awhile. I’d also like to kick 2-3 top performers off my team by the end of the year, which is a rough ride for an over-stretched manager, but it’s time.

I’m working on three books right now, but I have finished two work-related books, and I loved both of them:

  • Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness | dohardthingsThe running analogies in this book were not relatable to me, but this book really made me think about the checks and balances I have in my own life, and how to inspire people to move faster and embrace the suck. I’ve had to have a few tough conversations at work over the past few months, and this book will help me choose even more effective words. Both these books gave me some good ideas related to efficiencies and empowering people to do better. It also made me reflect on the things I do to help myself suffer, and why it works: the rules that unfold in my head when I am dying at the gym, and refuse to quit until I hit a ten minute interval, at which time I end up feeling fine, only to dip into misery halfway to the next ten minute interval. This is a great book for many reasons, not least because it puts forth plenty of research around the complete worthlessness of calling people pussies and berating them until they do a better job. There’s a lot around planning for contingencies, breaking things down into measurable pieces, controlling your reactions to externalities, being self-aware enough to know that things will be hard, and setting yourself up for success. I’ve learned to do a lot of these things by trial and error (ie, smuggling my Caucasian rug down here to Denver so my empty-ass house felt a little familiar for the month before my belongings showed up), but a lot of people could skip a lot of fuck-ups and fails by just reading this and taking the advice.
  • How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be | howtochangeThis is a lot of the same kind of material, around setting yourself up to actually change permanently. This one also gave me some good ideas for work, and can be credited for some of the leaning I’m doing on my own team while I’m away. For many years I’ve managed my personal goals via spreadsheet, and I credit this book for helping me realize I am not actually insane: that people actually do think of their lives in terms of chapters, and my milestone updates actually make sense. I thought this book was going to be super boring, actually… but it wasn’t. High recommend on both.

In other news, it’s been so goddamn hot here that I finally gave up and submitted to the indignity of wearing shorts. The weather has only recently normalized to 80s after weeks of it being over 100 degrees… it super sucks. I am slowly acclimating, but I don’t think I will ever enjoy hot weather.

That’s about all I’ve got. My annual “am I circling the drain” medical checks went better than expected, although I ended up getting a second Moderna booster, which sucked and was probably unnecessary, but we’ll see. We’re approaching another surge, which means nothing to me apart from the surging hysteria and reimplementation of rules, particularly in Europe, but we will mostly be on the fringes of Europe proper. I’m pleased I decided to go back to Mexico and that will be a welcome respite from work.

I also booked tickets back to NY/NJ for November, and my parents are coming to visit shortly after. I have no intention of going anywhere for the holidays, and I am sure by that point I will be very happy to stay put and take in everything that has transpired in this very expensive and strange year. I thought hard about how to make this work for myself, how to acclimate to the city again, how to make this less than miserable, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job. I don’t even hate it here.

Until next time.

RP/Black Metal: Evolution of the Cult

This is one of a series of recycled blog posts from my last blog project, Shapeshifter, thanks to web-archive.org. This post has not been modified from its original version. Original post date: June 10, 2015.

Halfway through this very comprehensive history of black metal, on the forefront of chapter 19, Death of A Legend: Norway Part III, which details the death of Euronymous, I figure I should start writing this review. And so, for some explanation as to why I am writing this review, or reading this book, or some indication I possess any degree of knowledge on this topic, I’ve decided to rehash a bit of my personal history and create a Metal page to this blog… perhaps also in the hopes of expanding on this somewhat forgotten part of my past (forgotten in the sense that many things have happened between then and now, in the sense that I am no longer a contributing member of the music scene in any other sense than attending an array of creepy forest festivals and other live events in and around the world). Black Metal: Evolution of the Cult is part of a multi-volume project, which is completely awesome. I’m not going to get too caught up in the writing style but Dayal Patterson is excellent.  There could not have been a better person to take on such a ridiculously ambitious project. The single flaw I could find stylistically is he reverts toward the end to using “me” and “I” where he began with “your author.” Which made me laugh, this is a book about metal. Probably no one else gives a shit.

Black Metal: Evolution of the Cult is probably the most complete, fair, organized and well-researched history of black metal available. This is a vast topic despite its largely (initially) underground nature, with details that come with increasing complexity due to its insular nature, and the rapid publicity swings throughout its history… not to mention a lot of its pioneers met gruesome ends. Additionally, over some 30 years its subgenres forked out like tributaries over thousands of literal miles and it is extremely difficult to prioritize the wide expanse of events, personalities and digressions from music into society; politics; religion; murder; suicide; drugs; animal sacrifice; prison. This book covers three decades of black metal; when you think about the magnitude of information there is to include to tell a cohesive story, it is truly astounding. Or maybe I just really like black metal and it’s only astounding to me. Three decades of church burning- dead animal sniffing- brain fragment necklace making- naked lady crucifying- goat head blood showers… there’s a lot. A lot of stuff. There is a drama, and hearsay, but also a significant amount of insight and cultural introspection.

The book is organized in varying ways at different times; in the beginning, primarily by band but secondarily by releases to some degree… I infer that some of these bands were chosen or placed where they were in history not due to chronology but due to the influence of their releases. Periodically the band focus pauses and a major event provides additional context to the timeline. As you progress through the book you see that the categorization is a sort of third priority here, but is more prevalent toward the tail end of the book, where bands are grouped into subgenres (and paired together). Some of the pairs don’t make sense to me: why give Gorgoroth and Trelldom different chapters but put Dissection and Watain; Graveland and Infernum together?

This is an ambitious effort, maybe it should’ve come with a Fenriz-esque map of black metal and its personalities. Or a literal map with bands allotted to countries, as it seems the origins of these artists are of varying importance to the story the author is attempting to tell. Some of the chapters stretch to post-2010; some have stories slow to mature, particularly the Mayhem and Burzum chapters (there is not a comeback chapter for Emperor/Ihsahn…?) Mayhem punctuates the entire book, but for good reason. Some of the bands listed in the beginning who are still around and are not noted in any present tense; the author focuses solely on the band’s contribution to the past, which sets the stage for the book’s longer shelf life, but would leave a bm n00b guessing. The constant swapping of members into other bands is probably also overwhelming if a majority of these bands are unfamiliar to someone who is reading this book, though I imagine the people who are reading this are reading for nostalgia, not new information. You get both. Get stoked.

I could waste another few pages debating the merits of the selected chapter-heading bands, but ultimately every single fan of this music is going to disagree on this shit to some extent. To put things in perspective, I’m 30; I was born in June 1984, when Bathory was recording their first album. In terms of this book, the stream of black metal most interesting to me begins in chapter 20, with Thorns, continuing with Arcturus, Shining, Fleuerty, Solefald, Ved Buens Ende, Virus, Dødheimsgard and continuing into post-. Outside of the avant-garde subgenre, I was surprised there was no more prevalent place for Immortal; you also have to read 84% of the book before you get to anything at all about Windir (though they are quoted prior to that), and I think that is a damn shame; this is actually due to the organization more than the chronology; the ‘folk’ chapters were simply saved for later, despite Enslaved having been around from the beginning. I think some bands deserved more than they received in this book, some deserved less, but I can’t say there are many that didn’t pop up somewhere. But anyone would say that.

Before I go on, the easiest way to describe the complete flow of this book and its contents is to explore the chapters– if you are well-versed in black metal, this will reveal a lot more than a two-page list ordinarily would.  The table of contents is as follows:

1 Roots of Evil
2 Venom
3 Mercyful Fate
4 Bathory
5 Hellhammer
6 Celtic Frost
7 The First Wave of Black Thrash
8 Blasphemy
9 Samael
10 Rotting Christ and Greek Black Metal
11 Tormentor
12 Master’s Hammer
13 VON
14 Beherit
15 Mayhem Part I
16 Mayhem Part II
17 (Re)Birth of a Movement: Norway Part I
18 A Fist in the Face of Christianity: Norway Part II
19 Death of a Legend: Norway Part III
20 Thorns
21 Darkthrone
22 Burzum
23 Emperor
24 Gehenna
25 Gorgoroth
26 Trelldom
27 The Opus Magnum: Mayhem Part III
28 The Beast Reawakens: Mayhem Part IV
29 Cradle of Filth: Black Metal Enters the Mainstream Part I
30 Dimmu Borgir: Black Metal Enters the Mainstream Part II
31 Underground Ethics
32 Les Legions Noires
33 Marduk: Sweden Part I
34 Dissection and Watain: Sweden Part II
35 Shining: Sweden Part III
36 Politics, Poland and the Rise of NSBM
37 Graveland and Infernum: Polish Black Metal Part I
38 Behemoth: Polish Black Metal Part II
39 Enslaved: Folk and Folklore in Black Metal
40 Moonfog and Ulver: Folk and Folklore in Black Metal Part II
41 The Proliferation of Black Folk Metal: Folk and Folklore in Black Metal Part III
42 A Turn for the Weird: Part I
43 A Turn for the Weird: Part II
44 Sigh
43 Dodheimsgard
44 Mysticum: Industrial Black Metal Part I
45 Aborym: Industrial Black Metal Part II
48 Blacklodge: Industrial Black Metal Part III
49 Lifelover: Post-Black Metal Part I
50 Post-Black Metal Part II

I think chapters 1-16 are fairly self-explanatory. Bathory, Venom, Mercyful Fate, Celtic Frost, etc. There are some outliers like Rotting Christ that I think are there solely because they were sort of seeds in a vastly different environment than northern Europe in a time little was happening outside of the UK and Scandinavia (not sure RC deserved a whole chapter in there, but…) I’m a bit mystified as to why Quorthon’s death receives minimal explanation (perhaps because it was pretty hazy from the beginning); Dead and Euronymous receive many pages; admittedly their deaths were directly related to the scene; while perhaps this is unavoidable it gives the unfortunate impression that more was lost with Dead and Euronymous… until the end of the book when the folk chapters pay homage to Bathory. Aaaand then Fenriz opines that folk metal is retarded… but, moving on…

Much like Euronymous, Quorthon was ahead of his time, and was brilliant in his own way (the chapters are peppered with bands continuously attributing their sound/influence to Bathory). He was also much less of a (charismatic) jackass than the others, and sadly for that reason he is often overlooked.* (see below) The Bathory chapter does him limited justice as a human being and contributor to the bm scene. While aloof in nature, Quorthon made the same magnitude of contribution as Euronymous or Varg; he was simply more of an introvert. Interestingly enough the author makes this very same point at the end of the Gehenna chapter (a band I never cared for, quite honestly): “[M]any […] have expressed surprise that Gehenna did not become as big as outfits such as Emperor. The reasons for this arguably illustrate the factors–aside from music quality–that can dictate a metal band’s success.” Even Dead, who was another socially anxious introvert, received far, far more airtime than Quorthon, simply because he existed more dramatically as a person. This sucks. It’s reality, but it sucks.

*Back to Gehenna– the chapter ends somewhat passive-aggressively. It’s not immediately clear from the prior paragraphs to what the author is referring (perhaps similar to the statement made above about Quorthon?) To this point, though, one of the many resounding successes of this book is drawing out the personalities of some of these people in a distinctly different way. The personal information is astounding; but the author’s interactions with some of these people are far more intimate than what has been portrayed in the past. By the end of this book I actually think that Niklas Kvarforth may not actually be the hugest asshole on the planet, he is so well spoken and honest and introspective and I completely agree with a lot of his opinions. I even found Gaahl to be charming and reasonable in this book, a far cry from the hypocritical freakazoid I’ve found him to be in most of the films that have been released about black metal.

People-wise, what is most pronounced in this book is the reality of all of these ideas, beliefs and actions: people change. They change their minds and their priorities and their desires. Many of these people who were demonized or idealized at various points in time were kids trying opinions on for size. Many of them have transitioned through series of beliefs, and will continue to do so. There are admittedly people in black metal’s history doomed beyond repair… but truthfully the majority of them are growing and evolving as we all are. This book paints an incredibly human portrait of these people, even the ones who have solicited terror or outrage from the general population at one (or many) points in time. As for people like Varg and Euronymous, the author tactfully portrays them in remarkably neutral light. You, the reader, are allowed to decide, and even when you go in thinking some of these people are reprehensible idiots (but you respect them as musicians), you end the book questioning your previous opinions. That is my favorite thing about Black Metal: Evolution of the Cult.

The book not only features an incredible amount of interviews but also a ton of clips and references to other articles; I found the quips about Dead’s fascination with decay and rotting animals to be particularly specific (and, admittedly, completely disgusting), but illustrative of the degree of insanity inflicting some of these people:

“I was in the studio when Dead recorded his only studio vocals for Mayhem and I will never forget it,” recalls Maniac. “His dedication was something that was very hard to come by even then, let alone these days. I had to hold a bag of dead crows for him when he was singing so he could sniff it for the right atmosphere. These crows has been in the ground for quite some time when he dug them up. His voice was really of another world. Those two are still my favorite Mayhem tracks.”

There is, again, such a wealth of information in here that the author collected independently. Some of it, even third party reiteration, is sheerly hilarious. This book is completely worth the read if only for the quotes and interview blurbs. The only video equivalent of the amusing information in this book is Attila talking about cutting down Christmas trees in Black Metal: The Music of Satan.

“Perhaps unsurprisingly given [Mayhem’s Pure Fucking Armageddon‘s] raw lo-fi barbarity, the reception to the demo was not entirely positive. ‘I thought it was terrible,’ laughs Necrobutcher, ‘ but that was the good thing. I remember one article– I can’t remember if it was Kerrang! or Metal Forces— but it said ‘This tape has no vocals on it at all, the bass sounds like [Celtic Frost’s] Tom Gabriel Warrior’s balls in a lawnmower and what they were talking about was actually the vocals!! But it was [next to] a review of [Thin Lizzy guitarist] Snowy White and the review was just ‘zzzzzzzzzz’ repeating itself. I thought this review about Tom’s balls was better than this other shitty one, so we felt like we had won.”

Black Metal: Evolution of the Cult takes a brief break from individual band chapters halfway through to delve into the church burnings and crime for which the genre is so well-known. The author seems to avoid too much of a deep-dive into the politics of burning thousand-year old churches to the ground and goes so far as to explain the reasoning; the chapters are peppered with many band members’ largely neutral feelings. There is a pattern that emerges–a bunch of bands, an overarching theme; a bunch more bands, another theme; this becomes a bit convoluted at the end when you begin to feel like the author ran out of space and had to start grouping shit together against his will; so, smattered amongst the individual bands & releases, you have: church burnings; Euronymous’ death; underground ethics (this chapter should’ve been longer); NSBM; folk metal. As previously mentioned I think sub-labeling Marduk and Shining as ‘Sweden’ is irrelevant; all the Finnish bands are thrown into the folk chapters (Moonsorrow, etc, though there are not that many Finnish bands included, and yet f’n Turisas ends up being included AGAIN! What is black metal journalists’ obsession with Turisas!??!) Also, why was Ihsahn’s side project Hardningrock mentioned, but Gaahl’s Wardruna was not? There are a lot of these small inconsistencies that are simply byproducts of sorting so much information. Maybe I only care because I also love neofolk.

I had a lot of fun repeatedly asking me where I would come across… Solefald… Pensées Nocturnes… Fleurety… In The Woods… Virus… Arkhon Infaustus… Alcest… most of them showed up. I was surprised Kovenant was only listed once in passing, and Thee Maldoror Kollective was not in any of the weird/industrial chapters. I was interested to find a vague but probably necessary chapter on French black metal, though I would’ve preferred for the author to expound on what is now a significant black metal scene; instead you receive a short chapter on LLN with Blut Aus Nord mentioned in the “weird” (ie, avant garde) chapters and Alcest in Post-Black Metal. There is also virtually no heed paid to Agalloch, which is disappointing: they have been around forever and deserve more than one or two passing mentions in a book about black metal. Agalloch was doing a lot of shit in the US that no one else was doing at the time, and yet Wolves in the Throne Room get a lot of ink even though they are living on some organic farm in Cascadia and slowly releasing some music.

I think the end of this book is riddled with haste: I don’t particularly care for anything more industrial than DHG but I am a little stupefied as to chapters 44-49. Mysticum, OK. Aborym, alright, I guess. Blacklodge and Lifelover? I don’t think so. How did each of these bands get their own chapters? Why are there three consecutive industrial chapters when Mysticum and Aborym were in the exact same time period? With regard to post-metal, the book perhaps should have ended before this: post-black metal was disappointing as a source of information.

More importantly, and perhaps not a question this book/series will answer, where did post-black metal come from? The descent into the post- style is interesting to me, although the author does make the point that there is no post-anything. There’s a part in the book where an artist names influences including (but not limited to) Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Swans, Dead Can Dance, Tenhi, Triarii, Of the Wand and the Moon, Death In June, Sol Invictus, Mono, Explosions in the Sky. Some of these bands can be traced back through other subgenres, specifically sludge. This is a unique evolution point for me, as I evolved toward black metal from hardcore, digital metal (Botch; Dillinger Escape Plan) and sludge (Neurosis, Isis, Year of No Light, most Hydrahead bands). My tastes have always bordered on the avant garde, as bands like Kayo Dot have punctuated many genres.

And so, I am looking forward to the sequel. I look, primarily, to France, though I’d like to see a bit more about American black metal bands… there are still some good ones lurking out there. He did mention Nachtmystium. Deafheaven deserves a place. Haethen is another band of significant talent lurking in the bowels of… uh, Philadelphia, I think? There are many, many unsigned, super kvlt bands that only play at previously mentioned creepy forest festivals. Black metal lives on, whether or not it is fused with different styles. In terms of France, he speaks about Alcest, Ameoseurs and Peste Noire (maybe the follow-up will include Lantlôs… Glaciation… Pensées Nocturnes…?) Speaking of Pensées Nocturnes, how weird can we go here? What about Carnival in Coal? There was an amusing exchange about circus metal in the book, I’d say there are quite a few bands that have ridden that wave even further. Would’ve liked to see more in the “weird” chapter about Ihsahn and the inclusion of jazz, courtesy of Shining (Norway); that would’ve created another nice past-present link.

I have to shut the hell up now. I will say I believe to some extent my disappointment in the final chapter stems from my infinite love of this subset of black metal, as well as my adoration for Blut Aus Nord and what has been happening in France for a lengthy period of time; alas, this is an incredible read that begins with the fundamentals and yet manages to present new, exclusive and insightful information in order to dive deep while telling a largely unbiased story, which has been an impossible feat for many others. Maybe his second book is out already, I wouldn’t know, since I am writing this review a year and a half after the first one was released. JK, it’s not. But when it is, I will be reading it. Immediately. In the meantime, you can get Black Metal: Evolution of the Cult here. I wish it came wrapped in a rotting animal carcass, but you can’t have everything.